You’ve read the complaints.
Meet the defendant.
A satirical coalition of prosecutors, peace officers, and federal agents maintains an entire website about how much they dislike this practice. Having reviewed their grievances carefully, the defense enters the following response: admitted.
The parties agree on the following.
For the record — the accusations underneath the satire, admitted without objection.
He reads the entire record.
Transcripts, minute entries, bodycam timestamps, lab bench notes. The complaint calls this “obsessive.” The defense calls it Tuesday.
He files the writ.
When a ruling is wrong and the window is open, the application goes up — assembled, argued, and on time. Opposing counsel are welcome to describe this as “inconvenient.”
He answers his own phone.
Day and night, at 504-247-6411. Allegedly this makes him “impossible to outlast.” No contest.
He does not treat clients like case numbers.
Every matter gets the same preparation the complaint objects to. This is the entire business model, and it is not changing.
If the government is this prepared against you, be represented by someone they complain about.
Supervisory Writs
The urgent-review work the complaint mentions most.
Federal Defense
For when the complaining witnesses carry federal badges.
Criminal Appeals
Because the record outlives everyone’s feelings about it.
For the avoidance of doubt: ihatejeromematthews.com is satire. The preparation is not.
Retain the lawyer the other side writes websites about.
Calls and texts answered day and night. Urgent matters move to the front of the line.
504-247-6411